oh you know

i tried blogging before. which btw is the only time i'll use blogging as a verb. i tried and it didn't work because i tried to make it about things and not about nothing. and it should be about nothing. it should about adventures and people you know and people you meet and people you'll never see again. and it should be about the things that scare you and the things that fuck with your head. and it should be honest and not lies and not scary. 

i wanna tell you all the stories in my head. about the time my mother and i collected lightning bugs and the time i lived with brave/crazy trans ladies during the scariest time in my life. but i don't wanna force it. i don't wanna just talk to talk. to tell stories because their floating in my brain. 

it's the summer and i feel like i have so many ideas and i feel like all i wanna do is walk and listen to sad/funny songs about how we fall in love and how we fall out of love. i wanna make egg salad and talk about the importance of being queer and out and brave. and not brave in away that's forced but brave in away that feels safe and nurturing. 

this is only a beginning and it's also a commitment to getting it all down because i know i have to. and maybe someone will read it and maybe they won't but i need to do it. i need to sing. it's like doris said, "you look great. you are great. sing. i swear there's nothing wrong with your voice." really there isn't.